The Transgender Clan

The Transgender Clan

Memories besieged
Spirits so sad
We are the bereaved
The transgendered clan

Born into exile
What is our crime?
Our passion is beauty
The sentence of time

Hatred and fear
Gifts to us all
Given in anger
By the heart of the small

Desolate silence
Laughter unheard
Taught to the world
Misunderstood word

Whole then made half
As halves become whole
Misrepresentation
Of spirit and soul

Left to the abyss
Lost and alone
Cause to resist
Our true selves shone

Lie to ourselves
Or lie to the world
In body entombed
In spirit we’re girls

As we unit
We find our lost hope
Our spirits find peace
As we learn to cope

Look in Front of Your Eyes

Look in Front of Your Eyes

Don’t blink!
If you do you might miss it.
It passes by just that fast.
There’s just one problem.
You can’t keep your eyes open forever.
Sooner or later, your eyes will close.
And then, you will miss it!
It might be as short of a time as a blink.
It might be as long of a time as a sleep.
But your eyes WILL close.
And that’s when it moves.
That’s when you’ll hear the rustle of movement you never see.
It’s when you think you’re watching, but you’re not,
that black things fly at targets.
The black things have the patience to wait for you to blink,
to avert your gaze,
to daydream,
to sleep,
to not pay attention.
Can you see what’s in front of you?
Can you see what’s coming?
How long can you keep your eyes open?

White New Year

White New Year

I’m dreaming of a white New Year
just like the ones I use to know.
where the cars are sliding
cause no one’s driving
Has changed to accommodate the snow.

Everybody knows a tailgate and a little snow
will help to make some metal grind.
Police and fire, with their lights all aglow,
will find it very busy tonight.

They know that drunks are on their way.
They’ll be losing all control along the way.
And every careful driver is going to cry
when some moron slides into their side.

And so, I’m offering this simple phrase

to drivers who don’t have half a brain.
Although it’s been said, many times many ways,
“Get off the road and stay safe!”

A Housewife's Cheer

A Housewife’s Cheer

“L” is for the Lazy way the time goes.
“A” is for the All the loads that I fold.
“U” is for the Underwear that I cared for.
“N” is for the Numbness in my brain.
“D” is for the Doldrums every wash day.
“R” is for the Redundancy of every week.
“Y” is for the Yearning for a high capacity machine to get it done faster.
What does that spell?????
LAUNDRY,
LAUNDRY,
LAUNDRY!

Passion Fire

Passion Fire

From time to time there is a song on the air.
The sweet perfume of lust bring desire to the night.
Top shelf passion splitting atoms with desire.
Of the heat of flesh are loins set aflame!
What madness is this drive that strikes down both beggar and king?
??? questions ??? so many questions ???
The heart has reasons that reason knows nothing of!
Dung or gold… wealth or poverty… none are barrier to it.
Heap upon the sultry night the lust of all passion.

Epilog of the Raven

Epilog of the Raven
By: Edgar Allan Poe’s Cat

On a night quite un-enchanting, while the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
“Raven, I fancy, is very tasty,” thought I as I tiptoed o’er the floor,
“There is nothing I like more.”

Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I heeded
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallus I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chatted, I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered as I crossed the corridor.
For this house is crammed with trinkets, curios and weird décor,
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock still as he uttered
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered his two cents worth, “Nevermore.”
While this dirge the birdbrain kept up,
Oh so silently I crept up pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage and a little blood and gore.
A midnight snack and not much more.

“Oh!” my pickled poet cried out. “Pussycat, it’s time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout conversing with such a bird before.
How I’ve wallowed in self-pity while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put an end to that damned ditty.” Then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed the bust I so abhor,
Jumped and smashed it on the floor.

Relationship Rules!!

Lick the Alphabet!

Flowers are good but jewelry is better.

When you go out to eat don't order for your girl. It's cheesy.

When I talk look at my eyes, not my chest.

Kissing me for 10 minutes will get you further than an hour of playing with my boobs.

Romantic dinners at home are better than expensive dinners out.

I'm not as interested in your car as you think I am. Don't talk about it unless I ask.

Yes, I will go to the sporting event with you. But you'll owe me a chick flick later.

Back rubs make me want to rub you back.

It's only OK to look at another girl if I look at her first and point her out.

When I say I'm "fine" it means I'm "Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional".

If you like what I do in bed it's best not to ask where I learned it or how I got so good.

If you've never given me roses don't bother asking about chocolate syrup.

If it has a drive thru it's not fine dining.

Before you give me an old picture of yourself make sure the other girl is completely cropped out.

No, a grown woman with teddy bears is not silly. And I always want another one.

Having a holiday dinner with my parents will get you further than you think.

Know where to get a cheeseburger at midnight. You may need to some day.

If you want to know what I fantasize about read a romance novel instead of Playboy.

Foreplay counts. Learn it. Love it. Live it!

Just because I did it on your birthday it doesn't mean I'll do it again.

Heavy metal is not romantic music even when they do sing about loving their "chick."

If you want to sleep next to me when we get home you will too hold the purse.

Yes, I will help you wash the car. No, I will not wear a bikini to do it.

Do you really want me to pose in a men’s magazine? Remember your buddies will see it too.

Don't believe what your friend says. I know her. She does NOT do that for him.

There is good crying and bad crying. You need to hold me when I do either one.

It's always good to bring me a box of chocolates. Try not to do it when I’m dieting.

I don't mind you watching me when I work out. But get rid of the snacks.

When we're in the shower wait until I finish shaving my legs before you grab me.

When I don't wear panties it's sexy. When you don't wear underwear it's gross.

There is no such thing as a hot, sweaty, sexy man.

If you take me to a strip club, don't complain when I get tips.

Taking me shopping is a better choice than taking me 4-wheeling.

Don't worry that I didn’t eat the burnt chicken. I'll still give you a special "thank you" for cooking for me.

Buying me lingerie is a present for you. Buying me shoes is a present for me.

My father does not appreciate your sexual innuendos.

Just accept it. The football jersey is my pajamas now. You're not getting it back.

If they're that important, you get the implants.

I don't care that there's no other cars on the road. Not while you're driving!

Blowjob Etiquette

Blowjob Etiquette

1. First and foremost, I am not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw. It is not standard practice to come on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I do not have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?

7. I do not care how relaxed you get, it is never OK to fart.

8. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, do not tell me I've just "wrecked it for you.”

9. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch TV, etc, immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

10. If you like how I do it, it is probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I am good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

11. No, it does not particularly taste good. And I do not care about the protein content.

12. No, I will not do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, etc.

13. When you hear your friends complain about how they do not get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

14. Just because "it's awake" when you get up, it does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

15. Having my period does not mean that it is "hummer week." Get it through your head - I am bloated and I feel like shit. So no, I do not feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can not have sex right now.

16. Extension to #15 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

Girl Poem

A Girl Poem

I shave my legs.
I sit down to pee.
I can justify
any shopping spree.
*
I don't go to a barber
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
*
I can balance a check book.
I can pump my own gas.
I can talk to my friends
about the size of my ass.
*
My beauty's a masterpiece.
And yes, it takes long.
And I can admit
to others I'm wrong.
*
I don't drive in circles
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem
admitting I'm lost.
*
I never forget
an important date.
You just have to face it,
I'm usually late.
*
I don't watch movies
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay
to remember the score.
*
I won't lose my hair.
I don't get jock itch.
Just 'cause I'm assertive
don't call me a bitch.
*
Don't say to your friends,
"Oh yeah, I can get her."
You're dreaming, my dear.
I can do better.
*
Flowers are ok.
But jewelry is best.
Look at me, idiot.
Not at my chest!!
*
I don't have a problem
expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lieing.
You look at the ceiling.
*
Don't call me a GIRL,
a BABE or a CHICK.
I am a WOMAN.
Get it, you dick?

Why Computers Sometimes Crash

Why Computers Sometimes Crash

--by Dr. Seuss

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,

and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,

and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,

then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.



If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,

and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,

and your data is corrupted cause your index doesn't hash,

your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!



If the label on the cable on the table at your house,

says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,

but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,

that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.



And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,

so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;

then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,

'cuz as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.



When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,

and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,

then you'll have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,

and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!